The Last Weekend

I keep saying the last this the last that. When in fact I have been a half time mother for over two years now. I love Reagan more than anything, but every Sunday when she kisses us goodbye at 8pm, I have a whole week to recoup, make plans, and do whatever I have been doing with out restriction for another whole week. I go to work with out worries as Reagan goes to school all day. I have no real tough commitments right now.
I am the girl that has made it to the age of 27 with only ever signing one lease, never got married, I have moved over 15 times in the last 8 years, and doesn't like to even commit to plans for later in the day. Sometime this week (no later than Thursday) this pending commitment (Ava) is going to be real and I am going to be responsible for another life. I realize that there isn't a mom I know that doesn't love being a mom, that is a mom. But I also know that there isn't a person that is a good mom that can say it hasn't turned their world complete upside down. I would be lying if I didn't say I was scared. Even with 9 months of preparing, I feel like nothing is clean enough, nothing is ready enough and there is no way Ryan and I can do this. He has done it twice so he is as calm as a Hindu cow. I am a wreck. As Always.
So last week I thought perhaps I would get ready by utilizing my literary library that has collected dust for the last six months. If you have read those parenting books and those birthing books and not wanted to vomit or scream, good for you. This stuff was so easy to take in, while earning my degree. Theses concepts have been so easy for me to push as a Social Workers towards other parents seeking counseling. However, I try to even imagine knowing this crap and applying into my life and I laugh out loud.
My mother is coming to stay with me. I know she is excited but I think mostly its because I have a nervous breakdown every other day about another doctor bill or some baby supply no one told me I should have that a stupid magazine insist that I need. And again, Ryan is still as calm as the freaking Hindu Cow.
I take a small breath and just tell myself that pioneer children did it. Then I think, those bitches had six other sister wives to help out.
Then I remember, my sisters did this, at a lot younger age and with much heavier disadvantages at the time than I will ever face. Also over 90% of my friends have some how done this. And they did it well.
So pray. Pray that the selfish, uncommitted girl I am, will find her maternal instincts some where close to the same time the doctor hands me Ava next week. I will keep you posted.

Up to 2010

This is Reagan with Her Favorite Princess!

So I thought I would update a little since I think everyone stop reading my blog long ago...

I will start with my birthday in Mexico. Not because I became and awful year older, but because Ryan asked me to marry him at midnight on my birthday. I am so excited. Excited to be in love but not to plan a wedding. ahhh..

In November I was so lucky to have all my family come and stay with Ryan and I for Thanksgiving. Kellie and her husband had to work but they sent the kids. It was quite hectic but sooo much fun having everyone around. Ryan is an only child and he loves family so it was fun to have everyone all in one place.

December went by super fast. Cole came and spent his Birthday with me and we had a really great time. I forgot how much fun we are together. We lost about a bazillion dollars at the casino's but we had fun so we are over it... well kind of.

I spent most of the month wrapping presents late at night for foster kids. Our organization spent a lot of money on each and every kid. It was crazy, but we had some good times wrapping late and organizing presents for hundreds of kids.

Christmas Eve I flew out to Orange County and had Christmas Dinner with Ryan's family. It was a lot of great food that I tried to stay way from. Christmas Day we went to brunch with Ryan's other grandma. It was this fancy sea food place on the ocean. I of course can't eat sea food, and spent the after noon enjoying too much of the unlimited champagne that just kept coming on a very empty stomach. Ryan and I slept most of the day (or was it the champagne??) away.

On the 26th, Ryan's dad drove us back out to Vegas and we went to the BB King Concert in Primm. At first I was like, Are you kidding me? But I ended up having a really great time. BB King is in his 80's and totally party's like a rock star. We had a really good time.

I had to work the next week but drove out to Pasenda on New Year's Eve. I made it there in record time:) We went down to Colorado Ave. If you have never experienced it, there is no way to explain it. That is were the route of the Rose Bowl Parade is. Well everyone comes and sleeps on the streets and has big parties for new years down the five mile route of the Parade. Cars drive down and kids trash them with eggs, silly string and Marshmello's. Reagan kept trying to eat all the Marshmello's so we had to watch her. Then we stayed the night at our friend Steve's. We had to get up at five to make it to all the Rose Bowl events. Ryan took a crap load of pictures but they are all in California right now...

Reagan's birthday was on the 27th, but she was with her mom, so we celebrated it on the 3rd of January. We went to Disneyland and had dinner with the Princesses. Reagan was in Heaven.. I'm really sad she is getting older. She is the most fun I have ever had...

I am excited for 2010. I hope that life just keeps getting better. Happy New Year Everyone!!!