The Last Weekend

I keep saying the last this the last that. When in fact I have been a half time mother for over two years now. I love Reagan more than anything, but every Sunday when she kisses us goodbye at 8pm, I have a whole week to recoup, make plans, and do whatever I have been doing with out restriction for another whole week. I go to work with out worries as Reagan goes to school all day. I have no real tough commitments right now.
I am the girl that has made it to the age of 27 with only ever signing one lease, never got married, I have moved over 15 times in the last 8 years, and doesn't like to even commit to plans for later in the day. Sometime this week (no later than Thursday) this pending commitment (Ava) is going to be real and I am going to be responsible for another life. I realize that there isn't a mom I know that doesn't love being a mom, that is a mom. But I also know that there isn't a person that is a good mom that can say it hasn't turned their world complete upside down. I would be lying if I didn't say I was scared. Even with 9 months of preparing, I feel like nothing is clean enough, nothing is ready enough and there is no way Ryan and I can do this. He has done it twice so he is as calm as a Hindu cow. I am a wreck. As Always.
So last week I thought perhaps I would get ready by utilizing my literary library that has collected dust for the last six months. If you have read those parenting books and those birthing books and not wanted to vomit or scream, good for you. This stuff was so easy to take in, while earning my degree. Theses concepts have been so easy for me to push as a Social Workers towards other parents seeking counseling. However, I try to even imagine knowing this crap and applying into my life and I laugh out loud.
My mother is coming to stay with me. I know she is excited but I think mostly its because I have a nervous breakdown every other day about another doctor bill or some baby supply no one told me I should have that a stupid magazine insist that I need. And again, Ryan is still as calm as the freaking Hindu Cow.
I take a small breath and just tell myself that pioneer children did it. Then I think, those bitches had six other sister wives to help out.
Then I remember, my sisters did this, at a lot younger age and with much heavier disadvantages at the time than I will ever face. Also over 90% of my friends have some how done this. And they did it well.
So pray. Pray that the selfish, uncommitted girl I am, will find her maternal instincts some where close to the same time the doctor hands me Ava next week. I will keep you posted.

Up to 2010

This is Reagan with Her Favorite Princess!

So I thought I would update a little since I think everyone stop reading my blog long ago...

I will start with my birthday in Mexico. Not because I became and awful year older, but because Ryan asked me to marry him at midnight on my birthday. I am so excited. Excited to be in love but not to plan a wedding. ahhh..

In November I was so lucky to have all my family come and stay with Ryan and I for Thanksgiving. Kellie and her husband had to work but they sent the kids. It was quite hectic but sooo much fun having everyone around. Ryan is an only child and he loves family so it was fun to have everyone all in one place.

December went by super fast. Cole came and spent his Birthday with me and we had a really great time. I forgot how much fun we are together. We lost about a bazillion dollars at the casino's but we had fun so we are over it... well kind of.

I spent most of the month wrapping presents late at night for foster kids. Our organization spent a lot of money on each and every kid. It was crazy, but we had some good times wrapping late and organizing presents for hundreds of kids.

Christmas Eve I flew out to Orange County and had Christmas Dinner with Ryan's family. It was a lot of great food that I tried to stay way from. Christmas Day we went to brunch with Ryan's other grandma. It was this fancy sea food place on the ocean. I of course can't eat sea food, and spent the after noon enjoying too much of the unlimited champagne that just kept coming on a very empty stomach. Ryan and I slept most of the day (or was it the champagne??) away.

On the 26th, Ryan's dad drove us back out to Vegas and we went to the BB King Concert in Primm. At first I was like, Are you kidding me? But I ended up having a really great time. BB King is in his 80's and totally party's like a rock star. We had a really good time.

I had to work the next week but drove out to Pasenda on New Year's Eve. I made it there in record time:) We went down to Colorado Ave. If you have never experienced it, there is no way to explain it. That is were the route of the Rose Bowl Parade is. Well everyone comes and sleeps on the streets and has big parties for new years down the five mile route of the Parade. Cars drive down and kids trash them with eggs, silly string and Marshmello's. Reagan kept trying to eat all the Marshmello's so we had to watch her. Then we stayed the night at our friend Steve's. We had to get up at five to make it to all the Rose Bowl events. Ryan took a crap load of pictures but they are all in California right now...

Reagan's birthday was on the 27th, but she was with her mom, so we celebrated it on the 3rd of January. We went to Disneyland and had dinner with the Princesses. Reagan was in Heaven.. I'm really sad she is getting older. She is the most fun I have ever had...

I am excited for 2010. I hope that life just keeps getting better. Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Too Busy for my own good

It's been so long since I have blogged anything I am not sure if anyone even reads this anymore. But i have been on the go non-stop ever since I left New York. I am in Long Beach every weekend and during the week I am working and going to school.

But I still have had a lot of fun. Ryan and Reagan and I are well known by the donkey at Univerisal Studio's. And we can tell you the short cuts to every land in disneyland and California Adventure. I have been to the beach many time. I even got peed on while taking Audry to the dog beach....

Las Vegas has been a big adjustment. I thought living closer would mean seeing my friends more often. That is a such a lie. Life has been taking everyone in such different directions it's weird. School and play isn't all we have on our plates anymore. Its a whole bigger world with way too much responibility. I don't even remember signing up for all of this, but I definately wouldn't give it up.

Next week I turn 26. And true to my word, I am heading to Mexico to drink away my youth with the love of my life... I will be thinking of all of you.. LOL

Again, this is a plea for all to come hangout in Las Vegas and for those who come here, CALL ME.. I am lots of fun... Just not til after five o'clock.

Working Girl

I finally found and excepted a job..
I am a RMH Case Manager. That means Rehabilitation Mental Health Case Manager. I am working with mostly youth again. I find insurance and services for kids that are put into the foster care system. I spend a good part of my day fighting with Medicaid, but its for a good cause, most of these kids don't have anything, including parents. So I guess it's worth the fight.
My boss is totally chill and way fun to work with, so I am glad that my new grown up job fits right.
Vegas is bloody hot. I may melt soon. Everyday at lunch it is 106 degrees when I get in my car and its still on the rise.
Ryan is in California a lot still. So I am just busy with homework and work. I am begging everyone to come stay in Vegas with me. It will be so much fun. haha I am not the boring old person this blog makes me out to be. haha

Vegas

I know it's been a long month since I have posted. The last time I did I was sitting in my office in New York. Well today I am sweating in the home office in Vegas.. Yes, my friends- I finally decided where I am going to live (for now). Ryan and I have decided it's the next best step for us. So I will be sweating my butt off and looking for employment in Vegas. There are lots of options the Vegas gives an individual, but I have been trying to get back into a hospital setting. I thought about being a hooker, but Ryan thought that might be a step backwards for us. :) Hope all is well. And if you need to do some shopping, tanning, or of course gambling, come stay with us, I always show a good time.

The Eye Bank

The Eye Bank






Since I have been working at such a unique place for the past six months I thought I would make a post and show people where I have been. I worked right on wall street at the non-profit building that looked over the East River. I have a perfect view of brooklyn and all three bridges from my office. It's great. I have worked some of the most amazing people and I am sad to leave it all behind.

Vanessa Williams and her brother are the spokes persons for our organization. Their father donated his eye's last year for transplant.

It's raining on my last day, but you can see my view of brooklyn from the east window..

This was the door into my office. I loved the sliding sound proof door!!!



Cornea's ready for transplant.


And finally the lab


I loved my job but ready to start my life back in Utah.

If New York Wasn't So Far Away

If New York Wasn't So Far away




I wouldn't be missing out on all of this...




















Plus this






I might fall for this...





And I may just find...



What I am looking for.

un-Cheerful

It's not a huge secret that the last six months I have tried to make the best of this world I allowed myself to be flung into. There are so many great things and even if I sound like a fool I am gonna say this place is magical. I have had so many adventures in the short amount of time here. From seeing things that are famous,(including people) to witnessing history on Wall Street from my own window. I have danced home on the subway as the sun was about to come up, kissed strangers, and been lost in china town in a dirty shady apartment. Old friends have come into my life, while making memories with some of my very best friends. I got my first grown up job (right on wall street)and met people I will remember forever.
I'm so grateful for this experience.
But I want to tell everyone at home, as much as I have "lived my life." I miss home, I miss being able to be close to people that really really know me. Cole and Lane really really know me, but that's all I have here. I thought I was jumping on the ride to start living my life, but what I did, is leave life behind long enough to avoid growing up.
And Maybe I won't grow up, ever... And I don't think the point of life is to grow up. My point is this, I have been everywhere I always thought I needed to go, London, LA, Vegas, New York. The truth is, The reason those places have been so great to visit are the people that were there with me.
And I believe that you can make friends where ever you go. But why keep making friends, if you are going to dance away at some point.
I don't know what I am going to do, but I can't do this anymore. I need to be closer to familar things. I need to see my nieces grow up, I want to be at my brothers graduation. I want to be able to drive to my mom's house whenever I need a taste of home. I want to drink to much at the lake while getting a tan I already have. I want to see my BFF's become mom's, and I think I am ready to settle down a little..

So I am not giving up, I thought I should stay here to prove that I could make it out here.. But I have learned that is a really bad reason to stay. To really live your life, you should do it with people that you love.. I may not get on that airplane back to NYC

Live Your Life....

This is Regis and Kelly with my BF Nicolas Cage...




The dance party at central Park


My bff Tori and Mike came all the way from Utah to spend a crazy spring week vacation with me. It was so freakin' amazing to have some familar faces around. Mike and I totally got Tori to live her life.
We did so many amazing things. The night I had to work I sent those two to tackle the tourist items like Empire State Building and Time Square. But other than that we did things I hadn't really done before. Tori and I made it in to Live with Regis and Kelly and my boyfriend Nicolas Cage was a guest. We went purse shopping in China Town. We tried SNL and yes yet again, NBC stole another night of my life. So mad. But we went to the upper west side to one of my favorite bars, The Stumble In.. We totally lived our lives.
One night we were down in the West Village at Down the Hatch. After meeting a few new friends there, we went to the Comedy Cellar. Well had to stop for some pizza first. The Comedy Cellar is amazing. Seriously such a small cool venue and always some one famous comes. Well this night Jerry Seinfield came in. I almost died. I thought they were joking, but then I looked up and there he was. He did a small bit. It was great. Then we went back to Down the Hatch and we all lived our lives, Mike almost had to beat up some long island boys. LOL not really!!
We went through Central Park on Sunday and there was a roller blade/dance party. It was great. Sometimes you just need friends around to see what New York actually has to offer.
I had so much fun, the train rides and the taxi adventures will not be forgotten.

PLEASE everyone come Visit. I promise to make you Live YOUR life!!!

Sorry for the lack of pictures.. I dropped my camera a little to hard this round. I am waiting for Mike and Tori for pictures.

Coming Home Soon

HOME BOUND

Hey I just want everyone to know that I will be coming home for two weeks at the end of April, and I want to see everyone. Being in New York these last six months with out a familar face has been super hard. I am so excited because all of March I have friends coming to visit and then April is just around the bend. Seriously March is going to be so great. Tori and my friend Mike are coming on Tuesday and staying for a week, and Janie and Michelle are coming for five days at the end of the month.
I should be home from the April 22nd til May 2nd. So please mark your calendars. I will be at Layne's wedding reception in Monroe, and at my sisters in Annabella on the 25th. And then hopefully be able to stay for Bryan's on the 2nd of May.
I am can't wait to see everyone..

Ryan's Valentine's Visit

So Ryan finally got his dream of seeing NYC. He came out on the 10th and stayed til the 21st. It was nice for us to spend so much time together. Here are most of the pictures we took. Coney Island is so cool. I guess they are going to restore it and that will be wonderful. It is kind of sad and lonely right now but we had fun taking photo's. We spent the 16th, which is our Year mark, all day at central park, and then we went to empire state building and took more photo's. It was so cold and windy that high up but what an amazing view. The corner building that is just white, is the LDS chapel in brooklyn. Very disapointing, but property in New York isn't like everywhere eles. While Ryan was here we went to the New York Ballet, The David Lettermen Show, Coney Island, Empire State Building, Rockerfeller, Time Square. We went to the Comedy Cellar in the West Village and the Cash Cab Host showed up, ofcourse my worst drunk laugh was loud as ever and the every comedian make a remark about my laugh. It was so much fun. Ryan got to see his Great Aunt that has lived here her whole life. One day Ryan and I walked from 86th street clear down to the west village, and the next day we walked from the west village down to my house which is the end of island. So Yeah, I have pretty much walked the whole entire island now. Here are all the pictures. There are a lot. Hope everyone is doing well.